De=Shoveled?

Winter in Michigan has always been interesting times for the "Little" family. Most people hate the snow, but I love it! I get to use power tools, like the snow blower! Vic tolerates the snow, but we both enjoy the change in seasons.

This happened on Super Bowl weekend. We were scheduled to goto some friends house for the game. My friend just got a big screen TV "46 inch". The guys get "TV envy" and Vic just doesn't get HDTV or Wide Screen. Is that 720 or 1080p?

Vic was making her famous corn bread muffins, that I just love. She needed cooking oil, and didn't have any in the house. So she did what any normal person would do, she decided to walk to the neighbors to borrow some oil.

Now this would normally be done by walking out of the driveway, and down the street, and into our neighbors driveway, right? Vic decided to shovel a path from the front porch of our house to our next door neighbors house. Daine was coming over, and he sees Vic with shovel in one hand, and a measuring cup in the other half way to the neighbors house. He is just shaking his head, and took this picture for me.

Now for me, I say "so what"? This seems normal with my household. The funny part of it was when she got to the neighbors house, no one was home!

I on the other hand, I would have used the snow blower, and had it done in half the time!

This story goes into the book and another way Vic sometimes is just "De-Shoveled"

Fueled to be Tied

I'm in sales, and I do a lot of driving. I can't tell you how many different things I see on the road. Vic has had some whoppers, and this is not about her at all. I have my moments, but this has got to be the best this year. This is my blond moment of the year "2007" for Tommy.

I drive the company car around most of the time. It seems I'm the only one that puts gas in this car also. I was out one day and made my local run to two of my bigger customers. On my way to Steelcase, I heard a loud banging on the right side of the company car. I speed up, ad the noise got louder. I'm thinking, great something is wrong with this car, and it needs to get fixed again. I just couldn't imagine what was wrong with the car and this noise.

Every time a fuel my cars, I make sure that I replace the gas cap on the car and shut the fuel door. I can't tell you how many times I have seen these driving morons going down the road with the gas cap dangling from the car and the fuel door open. I just shake my head and say, I can't believe someone can do this!

Guess what, I've now joined the club of "Moron who forgot to put the gas cap on and shut the door!" I'm getting older, and it's all down hill from here.

I did a search on this for a picture, and ran across a story of someone who had a detachable gas cap. Well they forgot to put it back on, and drove down the road. They figured they would go back just past the gas station figuring that someone else did the same thing. They found a locking gas cap! The totally funny things was, the gas cap fit, and now they have a better cap.

I was "fit to be tied" about this embarrassment. I tried to get to Steelcase as fast as I could to get the fuel door closed and the cap back on. I'm human, and this is a story about being "Fueled to be Tied"!

Little "Big" Man

-Thoughts and Memories of my Father.

When I was young, I think a always thought my father would be here forever. He passed away on the 9^th of December 2007. I have many great memories and thoughts about his time on this earth, and I would like to share some of them now. This is therapy for me as I go through the grieving process. I’ve talked to many people who have lost there fathers, and there seems to be one thing in common. There is a non replaceable whole left in their lives with the passing of their father.

My father was very active in the community, church, and family. At the showings, many people whom I have never known, share kind words of how this man, influenced their lives in such special ways, that I will never know. He was a rock, a steady man, with devotion to his family, friends, and community. He was a father, grandfather, and husband. A pure model in everything he touched and communicated to his fellow man.

I have always looked up to him for strength, information, and advice. It seems he was this to many other people also. I remember the cool times on the golf course, and the times around the dinner table with him and mom.

I remember the times where I thought he was the most stupid, and backwoods person I ever knew. This changed as I grew older, and he got smarter and smarter. With humble knowledge, I feel I’m half the man he is, and I now know, I will never have the impact he had in this life. I can try, but it’s a tough act to follow.

Things I remember:

Tick tacks- Always a pack in his pocket

Pens-Always in his shirt pocket

Tractors- Loved to play farmer.

Golf- Truly the best times with him alone and with friends.

Laughter- He really got a kick out of the Grand Kids, and laughed with his mouth open and his tongue sticking out!

Pride in his Grand Children- God only knows how much he loved his Girls, and Andrew.

Love of my Mother

Uncle Dave mentioned that medical science gave my father his extended life. I could have been cut short by heart trouble in his early 50’s. He had bypass surgery 2 times, once at 52, and the second time at about 65. I now look at this time as a celebration and marvel of medical science, and I’m so thankful we had him for an additional 25 years. He was taken quick, and many say that was the best way to go. I have mixed feelings about this with a very selfish motive to say, “I was I would have had one more conversation with him.” Just one more time to say “I love you” and “farewell”, would be a great thing right now.

This is my tribute to my Father, “Good Bye Dad”, “I Love you.” You truly were a Man larger than life, and I will truly miss my best friend. So even if you were small in stature, you truly were a “Big Man”.

Is it Fridays or Saturday?

Vic:

I just got the tickets from Wayne! $207.00 Total ($103.50 per couple)December 1^st and 8:00 pm is when the concert starts and stuff, information. I text messaged Ash to see if she is working that night at Fridays. I told her to work…It would be cool if we could have Ash serve us and then go to the concert! What do you think? Tommy

Vic's Response:


yes, that would be cool. but how would she know her schedule THAT far in advance???
she is a week to week person...........also, that concert is on SATURDAY not Friday, heelllooo??

I shake my head, Vic, yes I know the concert is on Saturday, but Ashleigh works at Friday's.

Enough said

Burnt Offerings "Vic and Food"

So many food stories, and so little time. Did I ever tell you why I married Vic. She looks great, and she is a great cook! There are many foods that I eat now, that I would never touch, if it weren't for Vic. Her taste for good food was passed down from her mom, Val. Vic has many unique combinations, that she will experiment with and they usually turn out great.

This story could start with the time we were on vacation, and she burn a frozen cherry pie, because she put the oven on broil instead of bake. Or the many times she has tried to bake cookies, and forgot about them and they were burned crisp...
This story is about the kitchen and her organization of the baking supplies. She has always been an organizer. All of the baking stuff is in the sealed Tupperware type containers. Well, I have always wanted to get her a label maker so you can tell what the white stuff is anyways? Daine and Becky were coming over for dinner, so she decided to make a chicken dish with red Italian sauce. When Becky and Daine were over, Vic asked Becky for a sneak taste of the chicken dish. There was something just not right.

The dish was different, and no one could put a label on what it tasted like. What we found out is that the Tupperware container with white powder was not flower like Vic thought it was... It was Powered Sugar!

The chicken tasted OK, and we all had a good laugh. I'm on the way to the store to get a labeler. If it doesn't turn out right, I might get labeled myself, but Vic will always be an adventure, when you Cook with unknown ingredient's.

Football and Vic "Worlds Apart"

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

Daine my friend sent this to me. I've had many experiences with Vic at football games. I remember going to a MSU (link) football game with Vic. She found some birds flying around the stadium and watched them the whole first half. When the band came out she was riveted to the field! She is a band mom, and cares less about the game. When I talk about Vic and football, I say this " Vic and football are on opposite ends of the universe" and now they meet.

I don't think she will ever understand football. I like to watch the game at high school levels, because of the unpredictable nature of the game, and the ebb and flow of momentum. Vic has momentum for band, and thats what makes our visits to any game so interesting. Each to his own, I'm musically declined, and Vic is band inclined. Together we ....?? Just right.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

One thing I've learned about blond people and their hair. They seem to shed a lot more than other people. Here is a list of places that I have found Vic's hair, and you can wonder, how did it get there?

reading glasses (mine)
shoe laces
tooth brush
Food
clothes
sinks
big time in drains (clogs)
money
books
floor
Car seat
Car trunk


I get started on women in general and their shaving habits, and it always gets back to her legs. I always joked about this guy in the library at Ferris State University. He had so much hair, that he had a fur coat on his ears! He could literally comb his hair on his ears. Ask Randy White about this, he will confirm this, even though he admits to visiting the library only to see if Gnine was studying so he could hang out with her.

Back to Vic. I told her once, she didn't have a little stubble on her legs, it was a forest. She starts to laugh, and when you really get to her she starts crying. I do this once and a while, and it is so much fun getting Vic worked into a lather about her hair.

The other think about hair is yes I still have mine. The rule of thumb with males is look on your mom's side to see what happened. All of my uncles on my mom's side are bowling balls. Bald as bald can be. Thanks dad for at least one good trait to come from the Little's side. Just ask my mom about all the bad habits I picked up from the Little's side.

Well my wife has wanted me to always grow a beard or have a hairy lip. I tried this once in college, and my coordinator called me Abe Lincoln, so I cut it off, and never grew it again. I always tease her when on ski or winter vacations, I don't shave and cut it off the first day back to work.

When Vic says "your hair is finally growing into a length", I go get a haircut. When I get back, she stands at attention and give me the old military salute! I always say, the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is 3 days. It always grows back.

Vic and hair. She has it, and she looses it! I get it... Do you?

Spring Hill 2007 & Vic's Fruity Ways

Vic and I have been going to Spring Hill for many years. (10?) We actually went here before we were married on a singles retreat from her church.

Things that I remember about Spring Hill:

• Pine needles on my car
• Sunday Night Live
• Duck Tape Man
  
• a light dusting of dirt on my car after the weekend.
• The smell of campfires.
• The yells of little kids who are excited about an activity.
• The cool nights, and the cold floors inside the cabin.
  
• Moms and Dads rushing to get as much as possible before the weekend ends.
• Campfire stories about the fun things that are going on in people's lives.

We now even have a Vic story night (around the campfire) where I get to update everyone on new stuff that has been going on.

The trip to Spring Hill started out well. Vic picked me up a work and we were on our way. I was tipped off about road construction on US131, so we tracked a different route. Vic has always loved to eat in the car. Her favorite food is fruit. This time she was driving, and I was the navigator. When I tell this story, I have to be very specific about whom was were.

She decide to discard the fruit out the window, so the little animals and birdies can have something to snack on. She fully rolled down the window and chucked the core out.

She totally missed and the core ended up in the back seat. Keep in mind that she had the window all the way down, and she was not throwing the core across the car, it was right next to her seat!

This reminded me of "Planes, Trains, Automobiles" move were John Candy does the same thing with a cigarette, and starts the car on fire! Thank goodness she doesn't smoke or we would go through many car interiors.

I said a stupid comment, and we both ended up laughing about it all weekend.

Great time was had by all at Spring Hill, and we seem to continue this tradition, even though I fight it with excuses of allergies, and stuff. Daine and I played Battlefield, so I was cool.

Going Going Gone

My poor old Mercedes! I bit the bullet and put it on E bay. I just was having a hard time on letting go. Vic was so excited to see it go! She is in the process of letting everyone we know, that its on e bay (CC: the world). She enjoys watching the bids go up, and the amount of money coming in. I don't share her excitement. Mater of fact, according to her, I don't even have "excitement" in my vocabulary.

When you sell on e bay, people want to know about the more about the car so they email questions.

This is a actual email from one of the potential buyers.

Questions: Springdud(Me): Does FUN wife come with car? 222cjway

Answer:

Dear 222cjway:

Mater of fact, I've been thinking about trading in the old wife for a newer model. Make an offer... Needs some body work, engine runs fine, (runs on coffee), oil change every 50,000-100,000 words spoken (almost daily), right now a cash flow nightmare, (spends all my money). Will trade two daughters for one hard working son also.

Springdud

222cjway are good friends, and it was a good laugh! I'm not sure if they thought I was serious though? I love you honey, and the selling price for Vic is like the credit card commercial.... (priceless)

View of the Day

Ah!!! Petoskey, Michigan, what a place. As they say about up north, "View of the Bay for half the Pay!" I think this applies to Traverse City also. This doesn't apply to the cost of housing though!

This conversation was between my Mom the trickster, and Vic. The were downtown for some shopping on our mini vacation last week. My mother was pointing out the different sites, and mentioned that was Harbor Springs across the bay, and to the south was Bay Harbor, and farther south was Charlevoix.

"And if you look real close you can see Chicago!" Vic starts to look and then my mom starts laughing. Vic is so funny. She thought about that for a little bit are realized she had been tricked. I've always joked that Vic is geographically challenged. Its a fact. Chicago is only 362 miles by car. On a good day, in Grand Haven you can only see about 3-5 nautical miles.

We had a great vacation, and many fun things to do. Shelby made it through band camp. Back to work, and busy, busy, busy.

No Child Left Behind

Daine and Becky are very good friends of ours. They have two young, cute, funny kids named Sloan and Kaylyn. Becky has been going to school for a few years trying to get into nursing school at Grand Valley. (GVSU) (updated, she will start in the fall!!)

This event happened last year during golf season. Becky was at school, and Daine had golf league on a Tuesday night. Vic had agreed days before that she would pick up the girls from the baby sitter, and Daine would pick them up after golf.

Thank goodness for rain. I say this, because the golf league got rained out. Daine was done after one or two holes, and he called Vic to see if she had picked up the girls. Daine described the phone conversation this way.

Daine: "Vic, I got rained out, and I'm coming to pick the girls up early"

Vic: "What girls, they are not here? Is it Tuesday already?"

Vic: "Oh no! x>&%$##, its Tuesday, I forgot to get the girls!"

Vic (panic mode): " Daine, I'm leaving right now to get them, I'm so sorry I forgot!"

Daine: (Laughing): "You don't have to, I will get them from the sitters."

Like I said, thank goodness for the rain, or this could have ended up badly. As Vic always says, "On the street, without a treat to eat".

Our America has a slogan, "No children left behind" and I say, "two children were left behind, and Vic felt like a behind"

Power Tools Part 2

After having a wonderful evening with friends from our small group, I told the story about Vic with a chain saw and other power tools. I've never seen someone laugh so hard at one of Vic's miscues. This one has not hit the blog yet so I thought I would share.

Vic and I are not alike. I like power, and she enjoys "easy". Our power tools are separated between "Tommy's" and the rest. I like the smell of gas and oil, and she just want them to run. I like to move around the lawn with ease, and she doesn't mind the cords.

I can't tell you how many times she has had problems with a blower leaf vacuum combinations. The shoot that the leaves sucks up into the bag has a switch on it to prevent you from putting your hand in the spinning blades. This is built in safety that works. When the switch goes bad, the machine turns on and off all the time and makes it very frustrating. Also, the power cord will come undone and loose to make you keep checking if the cord is bound up around a tree or flowerbed.

Every spring for cleanup, it seems to happen, and she continues to fall for the same thing. I stand in the garage, plugging, and unplugging the power cord over and over, and watch Vic get frustrated. She looks at the cord to see that it is plugged in, and the shoot for correct position. After 30-60 seconds, I jump out and she has a few choice words.

When I told this story, this weekend, Ron one of our friends laughed so hard, he almost fell off his chair. We also learned about Ron and Sues cloths pin competition within their family that continues to this day. (very interesting and fun) (another post some time).

We always have a great time, and I can't wait until Vic gets that blower out again, so we can have "power tools, part XX"

As always, keep laughing not at Vic but with her about the crazy things she does.

No Time

I've taken a long time to add to this blog. Sorry guys! I'm now committing to post at least every two weeks or so. I've made these commitments in the past, (new years resolutions, weight loss, keeping in touch with friends, etc. with no avail. Sometimes I call it convenient amnesia) As I've always said, "I have enough friends, I don 't need any more." Vic is always looks to get to know people more and develop new friendships. I seem to drag her down. (opposites do attract.)

Important updates:

1-Vic continues to be Vic. I have many stories of that have been accumulating. I need to get on the writing wagon and do some posts.
2-Ron is getting married next year to Becca! (End of May 2008 wedding)
3-Ashleigh is still in School! (OK I don't think this is big news, but she does want to take a break and pursue a career in professional snow boarding competitions.)
4-Shelby turned 16 this week! (Some people forgot her birthday, but Vic and I think its a milestone)
5-I continue to be very busy, and I need add stores to the blog.

I hope everything is well in your life. I will post soon, so stay in touch.

What was I going to do again,? I've lost me to-do-list from yesterday, and need to get organized.

yea, Tom

My blonde Moment of the Year

You were thinking by the title, that this is the best story of Vic for the year, and its not! Tommy was doing the evil lead pickup in the front yard last Saturday. I call them evil, because the get everywhere, and they can't be stopped. Like most men, I love power tools. We have a leaf vac, that shreds and picks up leaves. I can flip the handle over, and it becomes a leaf blower. I was blowing leaves and didn't think I was moving enough leave so I shut the engine off. I removed the chute and put my hand where it wasn't supposed to go. Ouch, cut my index finger on my left hand! Vic raced me to emergency with 12 stitches to follow. All the warnings I didn't heed, and this is what I get.

I also broke the tip of my finger. Serves me right. (Stupid move). The only thing that I can say when people say, "how are you?", is "it hurts!" The other thing I noticed and took for granted was the amount you use your index finger. From typing to shoe tying, to tie tying, to shaving, to eating, to typing (rhe instead of the), did is say this sucker hurts.

I will be fine, and it's amazing how many stupid things people do on the weekends. The emergency nurse said they get 2-3 of these things a weekend! Stupidity abounds when you mix men, power tools, and weekends! Sorry it's been so long for a post. I'll try to do better!

Tommy rhe tool man....

Number 2

What a title? This refers to my Second born Ashleigh. She is the creative one of the family, and a true blond. She has many funny stories also, but I wanted to share some of her famous work on flash. Flash is a type of moving video, sound that is web based. Most of the cool web sites on the internet use this. She is very talented and very funny when she does these.

Here is a link to one that she did in the last few weeks. The characters are Sissy (Elisabeth Little), Dad (Robert Little), and my Mommy (Jean Little). This is funny, so turn the sound up a little, and don't laugh to hard out loud if you are at work....

Ron's House

Ron's house is coming along very well. I can't believe how much work and money he has spent on this place. The house is in Toledo, Ohio. I was built in the 1930's. It has many cool old things, and he has done a great job in updating it. I added a slide show you can see some of the work he has done. If you really want to know who much he has done, check it out...

Not a blond thing, but stories of Teki and him should start another blog on home improvement.

Link to photo show

Enjoy... Tommy

Vic + Door Handles + Indians (Vic licks history)

With a title like that, you must be scratching your head and wondering how in the world you can connect the dots between Vic, Door Handles, and Indians? You will have to really read closely, and follow along. I will draw you a map, and then you will get it.

Ok? Lets go!

This is a continuation of our trip out West for Spring Break. We went to Northern Arizona, and Las Vegas, where Vic's Mommy Val lives.

On our way to Flagstaff, we passed through many interesting places. There are a lot of Indian reservations along the way with smoke shops. I'm not sure what they are doing, but its probably not preserving any fish or beef.

The big joke everywhere I go is "There's Tommy's door handle." This is a good thing to pass time, and my company (Apex Spring & Stamping) does a ton of door handle springs for almost every car company on the road. You mention a brand, and I have a spring in one of their door handles.

Remember the VW commercial in 2001 with the guy outside licking the door handle to claim the car. I will try to find this video clip and post a link so you can see it. It's funny, and the guy basically runs to the car he wants and beats a couple to claim the car as "his". He licks the door handle. (See Picture above)

Ashleigh has done this with food, and this is a great way to claim it as your own? She mostly does it with doughnuts and sweets. I'm not sure of the origin of this ritual, but it works. Well, we are driving in North Western AZ. and we a talking about the Indians. I mention, that I can't believe how long they have been in the area, and so much longer than the White folkes that came over the mountains or from the West. It was amazing to all of us, some of the culture and the impact the Indians had in this area.

Vic thinks for a second and says the following. "It's like the Indians licked the door handle first! in this area" I looked at her and all I could do is shake my head. Vic admits that she has never been strong with history. I watch the history channel all the time, and she watches Oprah. She just looks at me, and says "I don't care about Hitler, and is this the only thing they talk about on the History Channel?" I'm very careful on this blog to make Vic look funny, and not stupid. In any case, if I do the later, I could be history.

Viva Las(Vic) Vegas (half empy or half full)

Spring break started out with a bang! After some mix-up on Vacation time, Vic, Liz (my niece)Shel, and I started for Las Vegas to visit with Vic's mom Val. Because Vic had to pick up Liz in Manchester, Vic decided to leave from Detroit. I, not sure that I was even going, got a last minute ticket out of Chicago. I was to meet them at the car rental place at the airport, and go to Vals for the first night. I flew Southwest Airlines and was delayed 1-2 hours. I was to get the car and possibly pick up the three at the terminal. Well as plans go with air travel, nothing works. Plans change, and planes, luggage and people are usually late. Vic and the girls were waiting at the airport car rental agency for me. When I arrived at the rental, I was surprised by the rental. It was a brand new HHR wagon. What a car! It was new and cool. Everyone liked it! I know that I'm a ford guy, but I was impressed. Kim Herman is now smiling!

I had to go into the rental place to sign the rental agreement, so Vic and I could either drive the car. The usual things for driving some else's car. Vic complained the car was only full 1/2 way. I thought to my self, that seems odd. These guys are pretty good about filling their cars. The rental agent had sympathy, and told Vic to let the guy at the boot know, and it would be adjusted on the bill. Vic was pretty upset about it, and I thought it was too late to bother with this small detail.

We loaded up the car, and I turned to see the parking Nazi booth. He is the guy you have to get too and past to get out off the lot. Also, what's up with those backward spikes anyways? If you back up, you blow 2 tires. Why do they do that? Another unknown mystery...

Anyway, I start the car and the tank was Full! I looked at Vic and said, what gauge were you looking at? I glanced at the temperature gauge, and I was 1/2 way up. Vic, you were looking at the temperature gauge! We all had a good laugh. This was a honest mistake, but I keep telling Vic to get some new reading glasses.

It was a great time in Vegas, and Northern Arizona. Good times were had by all!

This is So not a Blonde Moment

What a Day. Shelby has been trying and working so hard the last 3 months. She has always been my smart one of the family. (sorry Ron and Ashleigh) I take that back, all my kids are smart. (Ash is standing over my shoulder as I type, I'll change this later.) This is my brag for my family. Its not really a blonde thing, but she is blonde. This is the opposite of blonde. This is pride and pure unadulterated bragging.

Shelby has been competing on the Science Olympiad team for Grand Haven, Michigan for 3 years. This is a very difficult team to get on! They have up to 100 kids competing for a 15 person team. I'm not sure about this number, but It's hard to get on the team! Shelby being a 9th grader, became one of the anchors of the team competing in 4 events. Science Olympiad is a national competition which is throughout all states. It tries to increase the interest in science things. To me, its a giant nerd convention, and man are there are some very competitive nerds. I think I was a nerd. (excuse me, I'm still a nerd-just ask Shelby! Oh and Vic too.) Check out the picutre above. I have a pen in my pocket! I don't have a pocket protector or tape on my glasses. I was talking to a friend today, and it seems you fall into three categories. (Band nerd, Smart nerd(Science O.), or Jock) Shelby falls into 2 of the 3 categories.

Grand Haven high school has been a national champ 2 or 3 times and been runner up a few other. One of the reasons is the feeder system (Lake Shore Middle School, and White Pines Middle School) Both junior high teams finish in the top 3 spots in regional and state almost every year. White pines wasted the competition this year at regionals. Oh, Shelby is on White Pines Middle school team. I also forgot to tell you, 9th grade competes with Middle School.

Shelby finished first in Bug identification, and had (2) 9th place finishes and a 16th in another event. There were 53 middle school teams competing for these top spots. Way to go Shelby!

I wonder sometimes about how she got so smart. Especially as I type and the spell check can't even figure out what I'm trying to spell. I cant even get the spell checker to guess? Man, I spell bad. After saying this, who's the blonde, and who's the other in the mix of the gene pool that created Shebly. Maybe I'm the blonde? We will never know, but I do know that Shelby is a chip off the old block. I should ask my mom if I was ever blonde in my early days?

Almost Famous quotes from Vic

Vic has been called many things. Some can be repeated, others can't. Here are just a few that I can remember. Others are famous quotes.

Famous Titles

Vic the "dyslexic movie reviewer"

Vic the "Travel Expert", advise when she has never been there.

Famous Quotes

V: What part of the church building is "59 West" in?

T: My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: Is "Cape Fear" a scary movie?

T:My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: "Where is a good place to eat around there?" to a truck driver at Walmart....

T: My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: “Ron has a new female-friend before the photo‚ of the last are developed.

T: My response, "you are right"

V:Shashleigh come here! Ashelby come here! who ever you are come here!

T: I think our children need name tags.

V:"The little oil light just comes on once and a while."

T:"You have got to be kidding me, right?"

Vic has never been very good with the maleness or femaleness of animals. Our current cat is a boy, and she constatly calling him a her. Also, tiki, Ron's dog goes back and forth between being a male-dog to a female-doggie.

Is this normal? Do other people do this? I'm not sure, but with Vic involved it becomes thunexplainableble Vic factor." It also makes for another "blonde thing" moment.

More to add, as I remember them!

Do you have any that you can think of? Let me know by your posts!

The Great Derecho (Big Wind)

The great Derecho of 1998. I've always said that Vic likes to talk a lot, but she never could compete with this monster storm. Matter of fact most of women in my life all love to talk. When Vic gets together with fam, I sort of retreat for the nearest TV and watch the oxygen get sucked out of the room. Man can they go. More words per minute than I can even count. Now that I'm mud, I'll shut up about women.

Back to the storm. It came early in the morning of May 31, 1998. The storm devastated West Michigan, with Ottawa county,(were we live) took one of the biggest hits. See picture above. Ottawa county had wind gusts of 130 miles per hour. It moved quickly across the county and state within hours. Downtown Spring Lake was devastated. This was the closest thing to a mid west hurricane or war zone. I've never seen anything like it since. The storm isn't the story, but it's what happened the week before that makes it a blonde thing blog story.(btbs)

Our house was purchased with a large amount of big oak trees surrounding the house. We literally had a canopy of trees above our house. No sunlight would even get near the front of the house, and we had a hard time growing grass. We decided to have 3 trees taken down. One very large one on the corner of our house and two other smaller ones up front. The small trees were so big, that I couldn't wrap myself around them and touch. No, I'm not a tree hugger, and don't get any ideas that I do this stuff. The trees fall with a boom. I was at work, but Vic said you could feel the trees hit the ground all over. When the tree guys were done, they took the tops, and Vic decided to leave the logs. I come home not knowing this and freak out! I had to cut all of these up, (loved the chain sawing)but it was a ton of work. Vic said we needed fire wood. I said, "We could have bought fire wood down the street for as much as we burn the fireplace!".

This is the week before the great Derecho. I had so much wood, that I couldn't give it away. I don't know if this was a blessing in disguised, but we didn't have one branch fall during the storm. The only problem was you couldn't give wood away, because everyone had wood to give away, and they were paying people to take it away! I think it took 4-6 weeks and the final giant log was removed from our front lawn.

I was mad at Vic for all the extra work, and she was just trying to save money! Things come and go, and storms blow and storms go. I loved the results.

The grass now grows twice as fast, (more work) and Vic has such wonderful gardens. She loves the flower beds up front, and I call it, "The Jungle." I think most of the stuff are weeds, and then Vic comes up with some fancy name. My Uncle Jim always identified all growing things as "Choke Cherry." I use this all the time. Vic thinks its old material rehashed. I'm now the great derecho of harbor view drive.

Free Re-Decorating (Vic+Toddler+Paint)

As I've mentioned in the past, Vic is a wonderful painter. This story is right out of the history of how to get you house re-decorated.

This is what you need:



1-Vic painting walls and ceiling
2-Shelby or any toddler 1.5 years old
3-Semi open paint can left alone with toddler.

Vic was working in the front room painting the walls, windows, and ceiling. What bugs me is she never learned to take the faceplate off the outlets. I still to this day can't get some of the outlets to work because they are painted shut. I also remember not being able to open the front windows. Thank goodness for Air conditioning.

Vic leaves Shelby to roam the house one day while she was down stairs getting caught up with the endless mounds of dirty laundry. Shelby being the toddler she was, examines the paint can and spills the can of paint all over the carpeting!

Vic tries to clean up the mess, but there is just no way of doing it quickly. (Before green machine) I come home, and Vic had pulled the coffee table in front of the spill on an angle to keep Shelby from walking in it. Shelby is behind the table squishing up and down like she is making wine in the grape vat. The picture above is the paint and whats left of the "blue onesie" That Shelby was wearing.

Now your are wondering, what a mess, what is for free? Vic is on the phone, (like when isn't she) talking to someone, and they said "turn it into the insurance agency, they will cover the replacement of the carpeting." Vic turns it in, and they cover the cost of the carpeting. Funny thing is, the carpeting was in the front room, into the front entryway, down the hallway, and in the dinning room. All this carpeting was covered! Free floor covering. I used this joke for a long time. If you need some free decorating in your house, leave shelby and a can of paint in a room long enough, and she will spill it. She was for hire. No one bite, but it was funny.

Now Shelby, my little one, the youngest is 14 going on 20, and she has now surpased the 6'0" mark. My little one has grown up (sad). I've grown also, but not up. (mostly out).

Now she is for hire to babysit. Funny how times change, but stay the same.

Redocorating with Vic has always been fun, and this time, all the costs were free!

See-Saw

I like chain saws. They have the feeling of power. They destroy the wood, and make chips so well (when they are sharp). I love the smell of fresh cut wood. Oh to be a logger. I think in the back of my mind, I was going to be a logger or something that involved power tools. (Every little boys dream) After growing up on a farm, where powertools was a way of life, I'm become domesticated(neutered). Like a dog or cat, tommy lives in the burbs.

I do have some clean up once and a while in the yard. We have these very large oak trees, and they are always dropping large branches. I decided to go the domesticated way, and buy a electric chainsaw. I know, I'm a burb wimp! No need for all that power. The big problem was getting a big ticket purchase past Vic. She wanted a hand saw(no gas needed). I wanted a 18 inch Stihl beast, that could cut through anything. We settled on a electric saw, and I made the noise of the Stihl saw when no one was looking. Electric saws are great because they start when you have power to them, and they are really easy to operate.

That is if you grew up with them. (Vic didn't). I think the closest Vic got to a chainsaw was a TV commercial for the logging industry. I'm from Waltonsville, and Vic is called "Hollywood" by her co-workers. We are definitely on opposite ends of the farm boy, city slicker continuum. (if there is one) Did I ever tell you opposites attract? (Green acers)

I have always been leary of Vic working with power tools. She loves to use them, especially when I'm gone, (That scares me!). We have some trees that invade our backyard, and Vic decided to start cutting on them. The only problem was the branches that she wanted to cut were very high in the air. She took the step ladder, pulled it over to the fence, and started reaching and sawing. She is standing on the top rung, hugging the tree with her right hand, and sawing with her left hand. The problem is she cut under a high branch and the saw pinched from the weight of the branch. The chainsaw is suspended in mid air up in a tree, and she had no way of getting it down. Vic starts pulling on the cord and raising the branch to get the saw down.

I told her not to cut the trees, because I felt it was to dangerous. They were too high, and out of reach for our step ladder. Well, now the fun begins. The chain comes off, and Vic panics. She doesn't what me to find out, and she has no way of getting the chain back on. She runs around to different hardware stores to see who will fix it. She finally lands at a place, and the guy gives her a funny look. (Like why can't your lame husband do this?, it only takes about 2 minutes?). She explains, he laughs, and the chainsaw is back to normal. Tommy never finds out, but it makes for a good story in the chapter of power tools.

Some day I might get my own gas saw. For now, I'm content with the electric one. I do get my fix when I go home to Mom and Dads. He is the grandfather of the powertools. He was the one that got me addicted! (got to love him!) I just try to keep Vic from them, because they are a manly mans toy... Oh that's right, I'm an electric burb wimp kind of guy.

Chain saw hints....

Good news, Ron is the next generation of fueling the power tools addiction!

Vanagain

Vic and cars. You have heard a lot about this topic. Well, after the loss (sale) of the Jeep. (Vic will never let me forget this!) We had three cars and had to sell one of them. The jeep sold the fastest, and it was Vic's sacrifice to the family. We were stuck with two cars which were mine. The Mercedes beater, and the "stinkin" Lincoln. Vic drove the Lincoln, and she disliked it very much.

Well, Vic has an attraction for cars that are like hers in any way. If one person she knows has a car, then every car that looks like the car is her friends car. When we had the Aerostar van, everyone with an Aerostar was the brother or sister of that van. When the car drives by, she will wave and beep her horn to say "Hi". Most of the time its someone else, and do we get funny looks. One time she tried to run someone off the road that she was sure was a friend! (it wasn't)

We have a friend named Kevin. Kevin owns a office supply business, and drives a white delivery van. The van is a ford panel van with no windows. I can't tell you how many times when I've been in the car when the family sees a White panel van. Someone always yell "Kevin!" The crazy thing is there are thousands of these vans running around delivering stuff. Most are not Kevin.

One day, while Vic is running around in the "stinkin" Lincoln, with Ash. Near them, a white van passes, and Ashleigh yells, "Kevin!" Everyone in the car turns their head, but the problem is, one of them was the driver. Well, forgetting her local to other moving vehicles, Vic bumps into Ford F-250 truck's rear end. The truck bumps a car in front of him. The car in front of him just happens to be Ron's old boss from Burger King. You can see the picture. Vic is catching up on Ron's old boss, and the guy in the truck is livid, because he is getting no attention. What a sight!

I'm not aware of this, because Vic and now the willing accomplice, (Ash) hide it from me for 3 days. I never noticed because Vic parked the car in the garage so close the front.

I always get on Vic when she is driving. She can multi-task three things while driving. Makeup, cell phone conversation, plus driving! It makes me crazy when she is looking all around, "look at the sunset." or something like that. I love my wife, but I've learned, Kevin in not always in the van again.

Travel Trips by Vic

Fire the travel agent....

I've already fired the maid, dishwasher, cook, and gardener. I love to travel and so does Vic. I like ski vacations, and she likes cruises. Even though we are on opposite ends of the destination, we have had some very funny stories.

Our trips to Las Vegas have been very interesting. OK I know you are thing, why would the Little's go to Vegas? For those of you who don't know, Vic's mommy (Val) lives in Las Vegas. I love it because she's close to Golf and Skiing. Vic loves it because its... just....Vegas. The strip is very interesting, but we tend to gamble very little, and love the sights.

On one trip, we get to the airport, and find out that our trip to the East was the night before. Some how Vic had looked at the tickets, and saw the date and thought 1:00 am was the next day. I can understand her confusion, but she has never been time challenged. Come to think of it, she is time challenged. I'm a 5 minuet early kind of guy, and Vic is whenever we get there. Also, I can't tell you how many times she has under estimated the time to do something, and we end up being late. I guess we have all done this... (ask me about some of the home projects)

Anyway, we get to the airport and find out that we have missed our flight by 22 hours! We beg to get on the next flight to Detroit, Chicago, or anywhere in the Mid West. The next flight we could get on is leaving in 15 minutes. So Vic and I are running through the airport like OJ Simpson. Running around people, and jumping luggage. What a sight!

We or course don't sit anywhere near each other on the plane, and I get stuck in the row with a football player who weight about 300 pounds! I sitting there sick to my stomach, and crushed against the side of the plane. Just like the TV commercials or stories about air travel.

We are on the plane, and then the steward pages Victoria Little. I'm going now whats up? Vic had left her purse on the ticket counter, and we are now holding up the plane, because they need to get her purse! What a flight, I never claimed to know this woman, who delayed the flight. I heard grumbling, and sank lower in my seat.

Simpson's we are not, but the thought did cross my mind to do something to Vic. Just a thought though. I've come to the conclusion, that travel by air is and adventure of the "Vic kind". I love my wife, but there is just never a dull moment with Vic and Travel.

Travel tip number one: 1 a.m. means 1 a.m. ....

Did I tell you that I fired the travel agent?

Repaint, Repaint and Thin No More

Vic has always been a great painter. She goes to other people’s houses to paint. I think she could have been a professional painter. Over the years, we have worked our way through each room in our house to repaint or redecorate with wall coverings and paint colors.

This story is a good one. We had just redecorated our basement, and put in new carpeting. Vic had painted down the stairs to our basement to cover up the old dark paneling. That night she left the paint can semi open at the top of the steps. In every house, there is a place that people accumulate junk. The doorway to the basement and the top of the stairs seems to be one of our places.

That night the door was shut, and either the door or the cat "Evil Kitty" knocked down the paint all the way to the bottom of the stairs. There was white paint on the walls, and on the new carpeting (in puddles). The carpeting was 3 days old. In the morning, Vic went to let the cat out from the basement. She quickly shut the door after seeing kitty prints all over the stairs (Evil Kitty had walked through the paint!)

Every morning, my usual routine is to get up, shower and shave and get ready for work. Vic or I will usually go down stairs to get Tommy(Me) a fresh pair of “Under Bunders” and other articles of clothing. This morning, Vic was unusually helpful, and made sure that morning there was no reason under the sun that Tommy needed to go down stairs to get anything. Of course, I didn't notice anything unusual, becuase Vic always acts different at time without reason. What is normal anyway?

The second I left for work, she headed for the garage to get our live saving contraption called the “green machine”. If you don’t know what one of these is, then you don’t know what life you are missing. It’s a little spot-cleaning machine for stains in the carpet. I think the carpeting should have been professionally cleaned, but Vic did all the clean up work without me knowing. Vic has become a professional at hiding the bad from Tommy.

You are wondering about the headline “Title” of this post? That’s the punch line to a funny pun. Here’s the beginning:

The New Pope wanted to get the living quarters paint color changed quickly before he moved. The maintenance monks (MM) didn’t have enough of the color the Pope wanted, so they thinned it out. The thinning was a poor choice, because the old color showed through the new color after drying. The MM knew they were in trouble, so they went to confession and confessed their sins. The title is what the Pope said after their confession!

Bad Kitty

Our most current cat that still lives with us has many aliases.He has been called:
"Hitler Kitty"
"Kitty Bin Laden"
"Toonces the Driving Cat"
"Frostbite"
"Cat"
"Dead Cat"
"Take my Cat for a walk; Tie him to your bumper"
"Take my Cat, Please!"

Do you get the feeling that I don't like cats? Blame it on the Sullivan’s. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with genes or something. Blame it on Canada if you want, but indoor cats serve no purpose to the scheme of things. The only good thing is that when we leave on vacation, we can leave food, and water, and the cat just does fine.

Funny thing though, our cat thinks he's a dog. He is starved for attention, and wants to be by us all the time. He will not eat, until someone is in the kitchen with him. He wants to sleep with everyone, but we keep him out of Vic and my bedroom, because of allergies. You can play with him, and he has a long tolerance for being bugged. (I think I had something to do with this.)

Our funny stories with cats don’t start with Frostbite (his real name). But I thought I might start with him. Ashleigh had transferred to Spring Lake High School as a sophomore, and I think her junior year she had to do a report on WWII. She decided to film a depiction of different events. It was well thought out, and well done for someone doing it at the last minuet.I gave her the Idea of being Hitler, and using the cat as a prop. She used frostbite as "Hitler Kitty." I died laughing, because she put a little black tape above the mouth. Ashleigh even had the cat salute the camera. I think it reminded me of the Dr. Evil, and Mini-Me on Austin Powers’s movie.

I think we lost the tape, and Ashleigh was happy. Ash is my creative one, and she tries very hard to make people laugh. This was unforgettable. A future blog could be started just on the funny things Ashleigh has done….

B.T. and the MGB

Vic's first love. She was in love with her MGB from the first day she got it! What a car. This was B.T. (Before Tom). Our marriage was not the start of her antics. She has many good ones from her childhood. I guess you will have to talk to Val (her Mom) about those. Maybe I will? This story was told to me by Vic, so you get it from the horses mouth so to speak.

When she lived in Grand Rapids, she had a house on Koyt Ave. on the North Side. She had her MGB parked in the garage and she drove it all the time. While backing out of the garage, she still had her door ajar and rammed the open door right into the track of the garage door. As things go with Vic, things went from bad to worse. By the time her significant other got home, Vic was on the lawn, the car was in the driveway, and the garage door was on the lawn sprawled out all over. Vic had the neighbors come over to get the large door off of her car and herself.

Vic and trailers, Vic and backing up, what next? A life of new and old material to write a blog about. I can dig up things from the past, but another MGB is not one of those.


This year, I finally gave in and let Vic purchase a modern MGB which I call "Miata". She cried when she got it. Women are so emotional. All I know is that I'm third in line right behind two cars.

The Snippet

Remember the lion in the wizard of Oz? This post has little or nothing to do with the movie. Remember when the lion and the rest of the main characters go to OZ and get a full body makeover in the salon? The song is called "The Merry Old Land of Oz". In the middle to the end of the song it goes, "Snip, Snip here, Snip Snip there." Remember that song?(Click here to hear part of the clip)

Well after our third child was born, Vic was hinting that it was time for Tommy to get the tubes cut. Ouch, I wasn't very interested in this proposition, and after the fact, now I know what a cat or dog feels like when master takes fido or fifi to the vet. to get fixed. Vic started out very subtle, and the hints increased rapidly.

One day, Vic was working outside. We have hedges outside our house, and she was trimming with hand hedge clippers. (The power hedger was broken; she had trimmed the electric power cord in half!) When I drove up, she walked toward the car with the hand hedge trimmer singing..... You guessed it.... "Snip, Snip here, snip snip there!" "I can fix you today!"

I think the next day; I made the appointment and went in for the tube cutting. She went along "just to make sure". When the Doctor came out after the procedure, he said "Tom did very well in there, and he will be fine." Vic answered right back, "I don't care how he did, how did you do?" Funny things just never stop with my wife! This was what I call, "An expression of Love, the snippet kind."

Channeling

Did I ever tell you Vic is passionate about cruise ships and cruising? I think she watched too much Love Boat growing up. (She admits to this!) I think she would have been Julie the cruise director. Taking care of everyone's needs, and having a blast doing it! (such a mother hen)

I surprised her with her first cruise, and she cried. The next cruise was on the Disney cruise line with the kids. (Ron was in College) When I saw the bill, I cried. The last cruise was with friends from church. 5 couples went for 7 days, and we had a blast!

This story is from the second cruise, the Disney cruise. In preparation for the event, Vic was wondering where the cruise ship port of call was located. Being geographically challenged, Vic said, it must leave from Orlando. Now if any of you know, Orlando Florida is where Disney World is located, right smack in the middle of the state.

I said, "I know no body of water big enough to float a cruise ship from Orlando to the ocean." Vic answered right back, " Oh yah, well I know, the Disney channel." She was serious. I started laughing and I rolled my eyes.

I thought that was so funny, that I submitted it to Readers Digest. No response from the literate snobs. Cruising with Vic is never a dull moment. So much to do, so little time!

Trouble with Tupperware

Tupperware is such a wonderful invention. What did we do without it? Many meals have been saved when they should have been lost because of tupperware. The only time I can remember the use of this evil stuff is when it gets caught in a dishwasher. The smell of the plastic burning stings your nose and your eyes.

When I think of tupperware, I think of Vic. We had just purchased a new gas stove. I never liked gas, because I grew up with electric. Things move at a faster pace with gas. Electric is nice and slow. I get on Vic all the time for piles of papers and stuff she leaves on the stove. (fire hazard number 3)

Vic was making meatloaf the night before, and to keep the cat away from the raw meatloaf, she stored the big plastic bowl in the oven. As things go,Vic gets busy, and she forgot about the bowl. The next day, I was in the TV room taking a nap. When dinner needed to be prepared, she pre heated the oven.

The next thing you know the bowl is melting and the plastic is dripping on the first rack, and then onto the base of the oven. As usual, Vic goes into panic mode. The smell was terrible, and the house fills with smoke. Vic and Shelby rush around the house to open all the windows, and fan the smoke detector to keep from setting off the alarm. "Keep Tom from waking up" was her goal. I think I remember waking up to the terrible smell, and walked into the kitchen.


Vic had put the rack outside. All the windows in the house were open, and the bowl was literally fused to the rack. The rack and the bowl were together forever. In my ignorance, I attempted to extract the bowl from the rack with a razor knife. I spent about 2 minutes on this and there was no progress being made, so I gave up. Vic had to call the manufacturer to get a new bottom and rack for our brand new stove. I thought we had a picture of the bowl, and if I can find it, I will post it.

There are many more stories about Vic and cooking, but this is a classic for all times. Did I tell you that Vic is a fantistic cook!

Ice Scream

"You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream."

I love Vic, but sometimes she just does some really funny things. This really is two stories in one, so hold on to your seat.

As you know, we now have three cars. I have a Mercedes beater (1995 E300 Diesel (260,000 miles), and Vic has two cars. She has a Toyota Rav 4 (Winter beater) and the Miata (her Summer love). This Summer on a shopping trip to Sam's (her favorite place to shop), we started moving through the store. She heads for grocery, and I of course go right to electronics. We usually end up meeting 30 to 60 minutes later for checkout. I beg for a big screen TV, and she says "No". After evaluation of her picks, that took up a whole shopping cart + some. (multiple gallons of drinks, watermelon, and large food items), I asked her how in the world are we going to fit this in our car. She answers quickly, this should be no problem, the Rav can fit this with no problem. I had to remind her the we drove the Miata, not the Rav. (She forgot what we drove in, she was driving)

Well if you know small cars, the Miata is one of the smallest. The trunk holds nothing but flat things like paper, and maybe a overnight bag squished down to a thick piece of paper. Vic started bailing on stuff, and the cart ended up being half full by the time she was done. The watermelon didn't make the cut.

After we were done, I told her I would pack the car, and she was going to get Ice Cream for Shelby. Shelby loves ice cream from Sam's, and Vic will bring a cup home as a treat once and a while. I packed the car and there was not one ounce of space in the trunk. The last thing I remember putting in the trunk was a large pack of flat bacon. Other stuff ended up under Vic's legs, but it was only a few items.

With ice cream in hand, I drove off with Vic and a very full car. We had the top down, and the early evening was a little chilly. I put the heat on the floor to warm our feet. The ice cream had started melting in the car and was a little liquidy. Vic, thinking that the cool air would cool off the ice cream, takes the cup and holds it up over the windshield. Now, you know what happens next, the ice cream splattered like a shotgun blast. It starts with her face, sunglasses, hair, clothes, car seat, car side window, top cover, trunk. It was one giant splatter!

I just could not believe she did this! I started laughing, and in a few minutes after trying to clean, Vic was laughing so hard she was crying. It was a scream of the ice type.

If the Shoe Fits

Vic and shoes. Vic has always made fun of all the different purposes of the shoes I own. I have shoes for golf, shoes for walking, shoes for driving (driving slippers), shoes for cross training, casual shoes, shoes for mowing the lawn, ect.

When Vic was growing up in Texas, she never wore shoes. Its not that they could afford them; kids in Texas just never wore shoes. Her favorite pair of shoes to do all purpose anything in is called a clog. Being in the vicinity of Holland, Michigan and her being "Dutch" most of the time is why I think she likes these shoes. They are also easy to take off and on in a hurry, which is what Vic is most of the time anyway.

After purchasing a new pair of clogs from the Bass shoe outlet in Holland, she was very proud of her purchase. She wore them bravely and proudly. In the summer, Vic loves to work around the yard. She creates a jungle of wonderful flowers, bushes, and other things which I think are just plain weeds. I do like her to cut the grass once in a while, which she loves to do(when she can get the mower started-power tool). This one time, she decided to cut the lawn, but she was wearing her clogs. To move faster, and Vic being in a hurry, she decided to remove her clogs and cut the grass in bare feet. (Not recommend by any lawnmower or power tool company, warning, don't try this at home!) Well rounding the corner in her cutting, she runs over one of her clogs and almost cuts it in half! She had a clog projectile flying around. Good thing is was made of rubber.

If the shoe fits, wear it, as they say. Youall (Texas Talk) think I make this stuff up. Well, here is proof that these stories are true.

Here is the picture of the clog for posterity. She now cuts the lawn in shoes, and I never know what will be next in the line of "Vic and power tools".

A Trailer with a Hitch

As I've talked in the past, Vic has always been in love with whatever she drives. The one car she had a hard time getting rid of was the 94 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo with a brush guard on the front. I called it the cowcatcher, or the "Trees fear her" look. I was confident, that anything that impact the front of Vic's car would pay for it dearly. She would win. It would lose.

Well even though the front was covered, I didn't expect a rear attack. Ron our oldest son was moving to Kalamazoo to attend Western Michigan University. My company had a trailer that we could borrow and use without a problem. I borrowed the trailer; Vic came to work to pick it up. The only thing I told her was to drive the trailer home, "It's a straight shot home." Park it on the Stones. The stones are parallel with the road, and all she had to do was just pull over. I said, do not back up the trailer, because you have difficulties doing it, and when I get home, I will back the trailer up so we could get Ron loaded.

Vic is cheap, frugal, Dutch, cost conscience, Scottish, or whatever you want to call it. She loves to find deals in many different places. Well, one of these places is garage sales. To me, garage sales are another place to get rid of junk before you toss it. (Last chance sale) Well 1/2 mile down the road from my work, and she sees the 3 foot sign with orange lettering. Everyone knows what it is, except maybe me. Vic pulled into a garage sale, and the sale was in a half circle drive. When she pulled in, she thought she could swing around and out the other side of the drive. She was wrong. She tried to back up the trailer, back and forth, moving forward and back, but the trailer kept going in the opposite direction. Then there was a crunch! She jackknifed the trailer so bad; the front of the trailer dented the back quarter panel of the jeep. But the funny part was she did think anything had happened, so she went home.

Ron likes jeeps also. He now owns one. He would take our jeep on special off road trips, and would never tell either Vic or I about them. Ron had taken the jeep that previous night, on an off road adventure. Vic was so excited to show Ron the trailer that she ran in the house, and got Ron. To both their amazement, there was a huge dent on the back quarter panel of the Jeep. They both stopped in the grass, each thinking they had caused the dent.

This is it gets interesting. Ron thought his escapades caused the dent. Vic thought she had caused the dent. They literally had to measure the dent height to the trailer to see if Vic could have done it. But whatever you do, don't tell Tom. As usual, I find out later, and we all have a great laugh about the whole situation.

Later that year, a wind gust took a trampoline, and rolled it right into the dent and made it worse. Vic got the dent fixed for free, and the story closed on a happy note. Vic said "God was looking out for me, and he surly has a sense of humor.”

All I can say is that Vic has still not learned how to back up a trailer, and she still does a good job on keeping mishaps from me.

The morel of the story is this: Don't let Vic back up your trailer.

Square Peg-Round Hole (Vic's Van)

Vic and auto's has always been a love affair. If she can't feel it, then she doesn't like it, and will not buy it. The 1986 Ford AeroStar Van was just one vehicle in a long line of cars we have owned. It was a necessary evil, because on kids. I think every Mom with more than 1 kid needs a mini-van. (What did we do without them?) I always said, it was a choice between a van and a semi-truck, because of all the stuff you had to haul around for a weekend at grandma's.

We had many good times and many stories about this mini van. It was our home away from home, and it served as a mode of travel, hauler, and just about everything else.

One time, just before taking a trip to Florida, Vic decided to rent a roof top carrier from Sears. It was nice, since we could put up all that travel, baby stuff, and use the back for a play area for a the kids.

On her way back from picking up the carrier, which was put on the van, she pulled into our driveway. Ron was in the yard playing, and Vic drove right by him waving, and as usual, in a hurry. Well she decide that the Van needed to be in the garage, and proceeded to pull into the garage and rip the car top carrier right off the van. You should have seen the look on Ron's face. (ask him the next time you see him)

When I got home, Vic told me the story, and all I could do is shake my head (what else could I do?). Well this type of carrier was attached by straps and clips to the drip molding on the top of the van. Vic gave me the mangled, bent clips and asked me to bend them back into shape. There was no way this could be done with a vise and hammer, so we were stuck. We had to call Sears, and beg them to replace the clips so we could leave the next morning. (Very interesting conversation)

Vic has always been the square peg in the round hole kind of person. If you look at life from a different angle, then getting there can be half the fun. This time the peg didn't fit, but it did add to the dent on every side of the van stories.

When Pigs Fly

"The time has come," the Walrus said,” To talk of many things: of shoes and ships and sealing-wax of cabbages and kings and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings."

The Walrus and The Carpenter by: Lewis Carroll (from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

There are many things through the years that people have discounted, as just fads, and they will never amount to anything.

"I'll never use this fax machine" I have no use for this.

"Cell phones are just a fad like CB Radio's” They will be gone in just a few years.

My favorite is Vic and the cordless phone.

"I have no use for this cordless phone” How much did it cost? Can we take it back?

When she first got one, she wasn't sure of its use. Because of the cost of being the "early adopter", (marketing term from my college days) she wanted to for sure take it back. I think this was my WOW gift for one year (see Car Starter Gone Bad)

After some prodding, she now wouldn't be without one. She has experienced conversational freedom. (this means she can talk and multi-task all at the same time) We now have more cordless phones than people to talk on them. With 900 MHZ, 2.something GHZ and now the new model 5.something GHZ, we are now state of the art.

The only time she doesn't like the phone is when the power goes out and they don't work.

Many people say, I will never use this, or I will own one of those __________ (fill in the blank). "when pigs fly".

Swine fly around my house a lot, and I think one is circling right now... Technology is dragging Vic from the 90's into the "00's" I've got to go!

Ambiance of the Chimnea

Vic has always liked fire. I'm not sure why, but I always thought I was the phyro of the family. (just asked my mom) Earlier in our marriage, for a romantic gift, I purchased a chimnea for our back deck. I had a choice of either a clay or cast iron. Not knowing why, I thought cast iron would last longer, and there is a break in period (for clay). This is to "season" the vessel so it wouldn't . Knowing what I know now, I think for once, I made the right decision.

Like anything you plug in or burn, I'm always leary when Vic gets involved or tries to operate. Vic has always liked the ambiance of low light in our back yard. We have had tiki lights, glass balls, and other things like fire pits. One night, Vic being the impatient one, she decided to help the slow burning fire along with a little torch fuel. She took the torch fuel, and poured the fuel down the top of the chimnea. After a fire ball went up about 10 feet, she was lucky that she didn't get the new type of haircut called the singed look!

From candles, to torch fuel. I'm keeping her away from the gas in the garage. This could be the second response to the fire chief after "candles" when our house burns down to the ground. (see "candles have be banned")

Directionally Challenged (Know Right from the Other Right)

I love my wife very much, and the comments have been, don't let her look stupid. In no way shape or form, do I think she is stupid. She amazes me every day with he ability to remember and multi task on so many different levels. And to top it off, she can process feelings while doing all these different task. She is smart, in a practical type of way.

Directions have always been a problem for Vic. I always joke about living in Michigan, because you can't get too lost. If you drive in 3 directions, you can only go so far until you run into water! When directions are needed, Vic usually gives me the phone to decipher the directions. I just shake my head when I see her try to get directions to some of her friends.

One time, early in our marriage, Vic and Ron (our son) visited my family in Manchester. This was in the Summer, and I didn't go because of work. After having a nice visit, My Mom directed her on how to get home, you need to turn left out of the driveway. My Mom and Bev (My Sister-in-Law) just started laughing as she turned to the right out of the driveway and started home. My Mom said "Don't worry, she will come back around." and sure enough, she waived as she passed by in the other direction.

Another time I told her to turn right, and as she turned left, I said you need to use your other right. Also, I say "correct" instead of "right" to confirm a direction.

It's always fun going with her to places that we don't know the path. Life that way for us as we muddle along. Some day we will know right is right, or is that correct?

Refresh This! (Tech or Non Tech)

Vic, like I've said before, is on the opposite end of technology. When they describe her and I, it seems to be the Jetsons meets the Flintstones. I'm the tech guy, and she's Wilma. Enough said.

Ashleigh was telling this story, which I heard second hand, that Vic was on the internet trying load a web page. For some reason, the page wouldn't load, and Vic asked Ashleigh for help.

Ashleigh is my semi tech, semi artist, semi minimalist daughter. She is like van Gogh meets Bill Gates. She has decided to take on the world of art at Kendal School of Art and Design, in Grand Rapids. She aspires to be a Graphic somthing, and I just hope she can find a good job some day.

Well back to the story, Ashleigh likes to give her Mom a hard time, so she told her, "pay me and I will help you." Vic got more and more frustrated, and finally Ashleigh blurted out, "Hit the refresh button!"

Well, this seems to be a mistake most of the time on the computer, because Vic needs the visual senses vs. verbal learning. Vic was in tears with furstation, and Ashleigh finally looked over and tried to help her. Vic yelled out, "I can't find it anywhere!!" Ash looked over her shoulder and Vic was looking all over the keyboard, and could not find the key!

Now, at this point you are either laughing hysterically, or you are saying "I don't get it?". This means your either a Jetson, or a Flintstone. You know who you are! Now you can laugh.

Candles Have Been Banned

Candles spillage seems to be a common happening around our house. Vic loves candles, and goes out of her way to purchase, burn or smell everyone in every store. I think she goes to garage sales to pick them up. I've banned the purchase of candles, and I almost went nuts when she got invited to candle party.

I've come home and found candles burning, and no one was home. I will not be surprised if one day I come home and our house has burned to the ground. I'll look at the fire chief, and say "candle".

Vic has burned candles under shelves and almost started fires when the shelf either melted (plastic) or started to look like charcoal. In our front hallway, a candle gave out and the wax ran down the table, on the wall, on the trim, and on the wood flooring. Oops, didn't expect that river of wax to go this far?

At Halloween, she burned a candle under our new cupboard door, and she spent days trying to hide the black spot the size of a quarter on the door. This will go under the "Don't tell Tom Chapter" or "Delay letting Tom know so the impact is less."

Waxing eloquently is not my trait, but Vic will probably end up in a wax museum in England or somewhere. Watch the wax, and if I'm homeless, you will know why.

Dog Days

Vic has always been a dog lover. Her first dog was a Husky, and there are many stories of small lap dogs from her childhood. Vic's mom had a Shitzu, which I think is the type you should use as mops more than dog. Each to his own.

We live in Spring lake, Michigan. Just to the south of us, "over the bridge" is Grand Haven. Every year in August, we have the coast guard festival. This brings in all types, as they invade our small town for the first 2 weeks in August. Its a great time, lots to do with fam.

On the weekend, we were walking down by the waterfront, and happened upon a very large dog. If you don't know my wife, she is very approachable, and will make conversation with anyone. (I think I saw her talking to a tree once.) She talked to the owner on the boardwalk, and all we saw was him giving her a funny look and saying "No". Bev, my sister-in-law started laughing hysterically and said, "Did you know that a Mastodon was a dinosaur, and that dog is called a Mastiff!"

Vic likes animal planet, and watches breed all about it. I think she missed that show. Dog days come and go, but this one always get a good laugh with family and friends.

On the Road with Food (Part zillion)

Vic loves to eat out and experience all types of food. She normally makes stuff so hot, that I can't touch it with my tongue without calling the fire department. Yesterday she told me of this story. Now that she has the car starter figured out, she's mobile!

The girls from work, aka "Lunch Ladies" decided to go out for breakfast. They have 2 weeks off for Christmas break, and they are all enjoying the time off. It seems they can't get enough of each other, so they need to meet to ketchup (pun) with happenings.

After the breakfast, Vic put her leftovers on the top of the car. You know what happened next. The food hit the road and She kept on going. Brenda, a dear friend, just had major surgery, was riding with her and noticed the miss-hap. Vic said "no problem" and circled around to scoop up the food on the next pass. I don't think she even left her seat and scooped it up on the fly. This could be another urban legend. Brenda started laughing so hard she thought she might bust a gut or stitches when Vic did this.

This is just another example of "food on the run" or "adventures with Vic's driving".

Car Starter gone bad

Christmas gifts have always been fun for me, because I tend to go overboard with gifts for Vic. This sometimes is my way of making up for lack of gifts during the year. (yah you do it also, don't think I'm the only one!)

This year I decided to get Vic a car starter. I told her I was going to get the starter, then came up with a lame excuse, like they had to order a part from Japan, because the car is to old, which she fell for right away. The car starter was installed, and they hid everything that Vic would notice out of the way. The antenna was hidden in the headliner, which was the biggest issue. The only place the starter would be noticed was under the hood(with a sticker), which I assured them she would never goto between now and forever. OK, I lied, so what, it worked for the WOW effect on Christmas morning. I always have a WOW gift, which usually the best gift for Christmas. To Vic, the WOW gift is always responded by, how much did it cost?, and can I take it back?

This one was that couldn't go back. I hid the receipt, and used the company credit card for the purchase.

Well with technology and Vic, there seems to be a great divide. After three incidents with her and the starter, I was wondering if I should take the stupid thing back.

1-Car would not start. didn't train her to push the break to de-activate the system.
2-Tried to drive off without putting the key into the ignition and putting it into the started position.
3-Stalled the car and forgot to put it back in park to restart, and blamed it on the starter.

I love my wife so much, but she doesn't do well with technology.

There are many other things that give her difficulties, but this one was because I felt she needed a warm car in the Winter and one power lock.